As a Tarot reader, I read for many clients with relationship problems. We all want to be loved and give love in return, but it seems like a very hard thing to do. Many times when I look at the cards, instead of The Lovers, 2 of cups, 10 of cups, 10 of pentacles, or the World, I see 5 of cups, 4 of pentacles, 2 of wands, The Tower, The Moon, Death, 8 of swords, or 9 of swords…Not the best cards to characterize a good and functional relationship. Unfortunately, it is what it is: It is time to let my client know what the energies of her relationship are like. She feels something is wrong. She can see things are not working out as she would like. But she can’t figure out why and where things are headed. She is in trouble, AGAIN – it’s the same type of relationship she’s had before.
How can you—as a Tarot reader and her „counselor“ for the moment—respond in a positive and helpful way?…I am giving you a guide that can teach you what’s actually wrong and what needs to be fixed in your client’s life.
Are you a woman who wants to finally find true love? The right partner has been „avoiding“ you forever? Please, read this blog post because it may bring a positive change into your life. Perhaps, you think you know of a possible cause of your bad luck in love, but are you sure you are on the right track?
Let’s get started. Let’s examine one possible cause why the right partner hasn’t found you yet.
You have been looking for love for quite some time and even though you haven’t found it yet, you still hope the One is out there, waiting for you. I can tell you have looked for him/her everywhere: on the Internet, at work, your yoga center, church, or local grocery store. But still NOTHING.
It’s not that the One doesn’t exist or you are not meant to find your true love. From the psychological point of view, it is much easier to look for something you don’t give to yourself—in others. That something is LOVE.
Go to a mirror and look into your eyes. Say this to yourself, aloud:
„I love you. I really love you, [Your Name]. I love everything about you.“
Are you able to keep looking at yourself for a long time without finding something to criticize about yourself? It is okay if the thought of your staring at yourself unsettles you a little bit. The point of this exercise is to realize that if you truly love yourself, you will see the good aspects of yourself and not the not-so-perfect parts. They will be interesting and love-worthy—there is perfection in imperfection.
If you love yourself fully, you are able to create strong foundations for your relationships.
The relationship with yourself does come back to you over and over again. If you don’t feel self-love, if you don’t treat your body right, don’t talk to yourself with respect and love, it is almost certain someone else will remind you of that via difficult relationships, meeting complicated people, or experiencing toxic situations. Without a doubt, you will be judged, blamed, and criticized by the others. In return, they will drive you crazy. This scenario happens to remind you that self-love and self-respect are very important. They are the foundation of healthy and functional relationships. If your thoughts reflect what you believe, you will act in accordance with these beliefs. Consequently, your relationship will reflect your healthy relationship with YOURSELF.
It could be very hard for many of us, women, especially, if we grew up in a dysfunctional family. Growing up in a dysfunctional environment has taught you that you have to sacrifice your own desires and needs in order to get love. This creates a negative cycle: instead of feeling loved, you keep feeling misunderstood, devalued, and emotionally starving over and over again. In moments like this, you need to stop looking for love “outside” and start putting your focus “inward” (love starts within yourself). You will not reach success overnight. It is going to take some time because you are breaking a long-term habit. Be patient with yourself and work through the obstacles, problems, insecurities you will face from time to time, and STAY ON TRACK.
Here are the first baby-steps that will kick-start the process of learning to love your Self:
SET UP HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
Learn to say “no” assertively. Be tactful, but firm. You’ve been taught to always be nice, but it’s gotten so out of hand, you are nice in situations that require you to take a stand and protect/defend yourself. Saying “yes” and doing what the others want from you all the time will only drain you, waste your time, and make you feel miserable about yourself. Setting up healthy boundaries requires time, a lot of practice, and conviction that you deserve to be respected. Don’t be afraid to say “no”!
Do what bring your joy—paint, draw, read books, write, cook, exercise, walk outside, do gardening—do what you like and what keeps you in the present. Do it at least for 30 minutes a day. By doing so, you will keep in touch with the most important person of your life—yourself.
MONITOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND HEAR YOUR WORDS
Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend. If you talk negatively about yourself or you curse yourself, ask this, “Would I accept such a talk from someone else?” Probably not! It is important to think positive because YOU matter. Not only will it uplift your spirit and give your encouragement, it will also raise your self-love and self-value.
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
If your body wants to rest, listen to it and let it rest. If it tells you it needs nutrition, eat something healthy. It is so simple, but it is not easy. You tend to be busy, thinking about things and people. You tend to do things on the go and put others first. You need to stop yourself and feel your body. What is it telling you? What does it want you to do? It is important to have a close relationship with your body. I don’t mean to be obsessed with it, but to be IN TUNE with it. That way you will have enough energy to say “yes” to yourself. You will gain more time for things you love to do; you will pay closer attention to what you think and say. You will become much less dependent on others because love and acceptance will come directly from you.
So, the next time you are looking at yourself in the mirror, accept yourself without prejudice and criticism. Give yourself love. Your best relationship starts right here.